Does Balance Really Exist in Mom Life?
Time to get real.
I am obsessed with all things health. I am constantly studying on how to heal your body - physically, mentally and spiritually. I have degrees in a couple of these areas, so I do know things, pretty well. That is not to brag, just to give you a little background on where I am coming from.
With that said, I am also a mother of twins, who are currently 14 months old.
I am exhausted ALL of the time. Like ALL of the time.
I want to be very clear on something here: YES I am tired and YES I KNOW how to live a pretty balanced life. You can live in grace, listening to the guidance of God, be leading a (somewhat) healthy lifestyle, most days, all the while still being drained from the craziness of motherhood. It took me a while to accept this, because it didn't seem to make sense. But as I have progressed on my spiritual and motherhood journey. I have found that they can go together. You can still take AMAZING care of yourself but still not have it even close to "all together".
It does not have to be ALL or NOTHING.
This is where it started, I had begun to think that my perception of balance was warped. When I think of balance- I think of kids and parents eating healthy meals, mom having time to work out, spending time on self- care (bath, meditation, reading an actual book, you name it), having hair washed, makeup on, house cleaned, have REAL time to connect with your husband (or partner) then getting a full 7-8 hours’ sleep. That sounds like a pretty balanced life right?
That's the vision I hold in my head thinking if I had all of stuff together my life would look like.
Only after a few short months after my babies were born, I felt, like, this immense amount of pressure to have it all together. I am not sure where it came from. It could have been an internal pressure (#recoveringperfectionist), it could have been from comparing myself to others on social media, it could have been from watching TV shows. It could have been a combination of all of it.
But the fact of the matter was, I had been suffering from really bad postpartum depression and anxiety. I could barely get the energy to get out of bed for my babies, other times it was almost impossible to get through the morning without crying spells. I was a mess in every sense of the word.
In October/November of last year (2016), I thought I just had to push through the physical pains I was still feeling and workout, then I would finally feel better. I tried SO hard and only ended up delaying my healing and feeling worse about myself. My body was not ready for that. My mind and my soul however, was where I needed to do the work.
So I did, I focused my time on healing my emotional state and very slowly started to open back to a part of life that was missing, my faith.
I couldn’t do ALL of the things. I STILL cannot do all of the things. If I did, I would probably collapse and die before I could get to my 8 hours of required sleep.
Though there is much more I could share, I want to keep this as short as possible, since you are prob a mom on the go.
Balance is bullshit. I honestly, have come to dislike the word BALANCE quite a bit since becoming a mother.
You can try to balance everything you think you need or want to do. Thinking that it's going to get you where you want be, to how you want to feel.
I know you want to do all of the things and I know you want to feel amazing every day. So instead of trying to do everything you WANT (and even NEED) to do. Try to focus on just one or two things each day that will help you. In other words, PRIORITIZE!
Many nights after the kids go to sleep I have options ( I will just give a quick example of a few) to A) clean up the mess of the house B) workout C) bum out and watch TV or read a book or D) work on my blog.
I want to do all of these things. I need the house clean to have clutter out of the way because it makes me feel better mentally. I need to work out because, my health, duh. I need to bum out and rest my brain because I have been going nonstop all day. And I need to work on my blog so I can help to bring in some extra income for our family (+ have a creative outlet for myself!).
All of these things are important to me in different ways.
But I can’t physically or mentally do all of them in one night. So I have choose what is best for that moment.
Some days the workouts get skipped, the cleaning of the house gets pushed to the side [most nights] and other nights I choose not to work on my blog because I am so tired I know I will not have a productive time. Sometimes I need to just take a bath or shower and veg out with a good book or zone out to the TV. And I have learned that, that is okay.
If you are like me, which I am sure you are and have your LONG list of ‘to do’s’. Review it each day, don’t ignore it, but pick out the MOST important. The things that HAVE to get done. Like, you NEED to do the laundry, because if you don't the kids don't have pj’s and you don't have underwear. THAT is a priority. Maybe washing the floor that day when the kids nap, isn’t AS important as taking that time to do a workout and get connected back to your body.
You can’t ignore your responsibilities, especially if you are a mom who is working (as a sahm or working out of the house mom), taking care of a home and little’s. But you can start to figure out what is best for you each day.
One of the best ways to learn how to do this is really connecting to your soul and spirit so you can start to take care of your body. I have found that all go in hand in hand, so you need to do a little something each day that will nourish all.
I am interested to learn what you are putting aside and what you are doing for you. So please don’t be shy reach out and tell me what you pushed aside to take care of you!